MY Fanfic.
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MY Fanfic.
by Sierra 5/26/2009, 7:36 pm
Just a quick note, this is a little oddly written, and it's not perfect.. AND DON'T TELL ME THAT IT IS. Or whatever. That really annoys me, I don't know why... but if you're going to say something nice, not too much more than the equivalent of a simple "Good job," please? I know, I'm weird, but I don't like all that stuff. XP Anyway, here's the very small first portion, the introduction, if you will, to the story and one of the characters.. lemme know what you all think and then I'll see about posting more from there. (Based off two of my ep. ideas.. or vise versa, I'm not sure. Hopefully writing this will help me figure out a concluding episode, though. XD)
A smooth, pale face, round and framed by long, bluish-violet hair, with rather large, dark violet eyes and a thin mouth stared out at me from the long mirror. I raked my eyes over my reflection: relatively tall, lithe, clad in close-fitting black pants and a rather small top, cut in a bowl fashion but short and sleeveless, and also black. I grinned, swiftly drawing a sword not so unlike a katana and resting it across my shoulder, leaving the thin black scabbard swinging at my left hip.
The next moment, I didn’t see my confident reflection, but something else. A planet, far away from my own I knew, rent by chaos and destruction, darkness and evil. Deep in my mind I heard a voice—my own, oddly enough—speak a set of words:
“A titan rises, full of spite,
Foregoing strength, forgetting might,
The only hope, lest home worlds fall:
All for one, or one for all.”
When I finally came to again, it was with dread. I knew what had happened, and the vision seemed seared in my mind. The words resonated in my mind’s ear, and I shuddered. I didn’t know the full meaning, but I knew I had to find someone who might be able to puzzle it out; someone who had dealt with such prophecies before.
I had to find the Teen Titans.
A smooth, pale face, round and framed by long, bluish-violet hair, with rather large, dark violet eyes and a thin mouth stared out at me from the long mirror. I raked my eyes over my reflection: relatively tall, lithe, clad in close-fitting black pants and a rather small top, cut in a bowl fashion but short and sleeveless, and also black. I grinned, swiftly drawing a sword not so unlike a katana and resting it across my shoulder, leaving the thin black scabbard swinging at my left hip.
The next moment, I didn’t see my confident reflection, but something else. A planet, far away from my own I knew, rent by chaos and destruction, darkness and evil. Deep in my mind I heard a voice—my own, oddly enough—speak a set of words:
“A titan rises, full of spite,
Foregoing strength, forgetting might,
The only hope, lest home worlds fall:
All for one, or one for all.”
When I finally came to again, it was with dread. I knew what had happened, and the vision seemed seared in my mind. The words resonated in my mind’s ear, and I shuddered. I didn’t know the full meaning, but I knew I had to find someone who might be able to puzzle it out; someone who had dealt with such prophecies before.
I had to find the Teen Titans.
Sierra- Posts : 175
Join date : 2009-05-14
Re: MY Fanfic.
by Blitzkrieg 5/26/2009, 8:04 pm
Sundavr Baen wrote:Just a quick note, this is a little oddly written, and it's not perfect.. AND DON'T TELL ME THAT IT IS. Or whatever. That really annoys me, I don't know why... but if you're going to say something nice, not too much more than the equivalent of a simple "Good job," please? I know, I'm weird, but I don't like all that stuff. XP Anyway, here's the very small first portion, the introduction, if you will, to the story and one of the characters.. lemme know what you all think and then I'll see about posting more from there. (Based off two of my ep. ideas.. or vise versa, I'm not sure. Hopefully writing this will help me figure out a concluding episode, though. XD)
A smooth, pale face, round and framed by long, bluish-violet hair, with rather large, dark violet eyes and a thin mouth stared out at me from the long mirror. I raked my eyes over my reflection: relatively tall, lithe, clad in close-fitting black pants and a rather small top, cut in a bowl fashion but short and sleeveless, and also black. I grinned, swiftly drawing a sword not so unlike a katana and resting it across my shoulder, leaving the thin black scabbard swinging at my left hip.
The next moment, I didn’t see my confident reflection, but something else. A planet, far away from my own I knew, rent by chaos and destruction, darkness and evil. Deep in my mind I heard a voice—my own, oddly enough—speak a set of words:
“A titan rises, full of spite,
Foregoing strength, forgetting might,
The only hope, lest home worlds fall:
All for one, or one for all.”
When I finally came to again, it was with dread. I knew what had happened, and the vision seemed seared in my mind. The words resonated in my mind’s ear, and I shuddered. I didn’t know the full meaning, but I knew I had to find someone who might be able to puzzle it out; someone who had dealt with such prophecies before.
I had to find the Teen Titans.
i like it. I would like to read more.
Blitzkrieg- Posts : 1411
Join date : 2009-02-15
Age : 32
Location : Wherever the wind blows as it carries me on its lofty wings. lol no really really Earth. -
Re: MY Fanfic.
by Sierra 5/26/2009, 8:07 pm
Well of course YOU would... Anyone else? Thoughts? Constructive criticism? Etc.?germany411 wrote:i like it. I would like to read more.
Sierra- Posts : 175
Join date : 2009-05-14
artemis 1223- Posts : 100
Join date : 2009-05-12
Age : 31
Location : America
Re: MY Fanfic.
by Sierra 5/26/2009, 9:31 pm
... Okay, fine, since it's up, and it's the first day, I'll post the second "section." Just for kicks. Next one won't be going up as soon, though, tomorrow earliest, probably.artemis 1223 wrote:looks interesting. id like to see more
Sierra- Posts : 175
Join date : 2009-05-14
Re: MY Fanfic.
by Sierra 5/26/2009, 9:34 pm
Something streaked through the air, glowing green, and something dark followed behind. In a slightly different direction flew an odd sight: a real, live pterodactyl, colored an odd shade of green. Below in the streets a blue and white car zoomed through, swerving around corners and going at speeds far above whatever speed limits there might be. A red motorcycle followed close behind.
“We’re closing in,” a male’s voice sounded over through the car’s radio, sounding young but still commanding. “Don’t lose him. I want to be able to see who we’re dealing with so we can find him again.”
“We’re on it, Robin, don’t worry,” the teen driving the car answered, looking strangely similar to the car itself, whitish metal with clear blue areas and some that was still black, human male.
“I know you are, Cyborg,” Robin responded from his cycle, “I just want to be sure.”
“I see him!” cried one of the girls above, her long red hair fanning out behind her as she kept a careful eye on what they were chasing. “Are you sure?” replied the other skeptically, her blue cape fluttering madly, but her raised hood somehow staying in place. “That doesn’t look like what we were told we were following.”
The team was chasing after one of the city’s many criminals, this one hardly different from the rest; he had attacked a bank, after the cash, of course. The description they had been given, however, had been that of someone relatively normal; male, average height, light brown skin tone, short black hair, jeans and a black t-shirt, and above all strictly human. What they were following now seemed anything but.
“Looks kind of like Overload,” Cyborg commented, “but smaller.”
“More like what would happen if Beast Boy tried to take his shape,” Raven replied dryly, eliciting an annoyed screech from the pterodactyl. “Green, at least, and definitely weird enough.”
“And what is following him?” Starfire asked. “They do not look like anything I have seen.”
At last they had him cornered down a dead-end alley, the T-car and R-cycle parked in its open end, solid brick blocking the other. The other three Titans landed, Beast Boy resuming his human shape.
“Dude, what is that?” he said, staring. “It’s uglier than that mutant thing Slade threw together!”
Silently the criminal turned to face them. It was true he very much resembled Overload in shape, but more solid, more substantial, and indeed smaller. His skin was green, and he had six reddish-maroon, raised “stripes,” all weirdly ridged almost like a ram’s horns, four on his ribs and two on his shoulders. He had several spherical, shiny yellow eyes with no pupils, spaced at weird distances and angles. A small cloud of what appeared to be black masks, almost glowing, seemed to float around him, constantly moving, as if restless.
“I am Anima,” a surprisingly human voice spoke, though the creature had no visible mouth to say the words with. “You ask what I am? Then I shall tell you: I am human, twisted beyond recognition by a terrible mistake.” The five Titans just stared, wondering what could have done such a thing to someone.
“Well, Anima,” Robin said a moment later, breaking the silence, “we’ll have to take you in. No matter who or what you are, you’re a criminal.”
He laughed, a chilling sound for how human and strangely mirthful it was. “I don’t think so,” he said. “I know you want to, but I’m not going to let you.” Suddenly the alley was alive around them. The streetlight at the end of it flexed and launched at Beast Boy, coiling around him like a snake. Both vehicles’ engines roared to life as they began to chase down their owners, somehow looking malicious. The very walls sprang to life and closed in around Raven and Starfire, both girls trying in vain to fight their way free. Despite their best efforts, none of them could do anything until, suddenly, everything sprang back to its normal state and place; by then, Anima was long gone.
“We’re closing in,” a male’s voice sounded over through the car’s radio, sounding young but still commanding. “Don’t lose him. I want to be able to see who we’re dealing with so we can find him again.”
“We’re on it, Robin, don’t worry,” the teen driving the car answered, looking strangely similar to the car itself, whitish metal with clear blue areas and some that was still black, human male.
“I know you are, Cyborg,” Robin responded from his cycle, “I just want to be sure.”
“I see him!” cried one of the girls above, her long red hair fanning out behind her as she kept a careful eye on what they were chasing. “Are you sure?” replied the other skeptically, her blue cape fluttering madly, but her raised hood somehow staying in place. “That doesn’t look like what we were told we were following.”
The team was chasing after one of the city’s many criminals, this one hardly different from the rest; he had attacked a bank, after the cash, of course. The description they had been given, however, had been that of someone relatively normal; male, average height, light brown skin tone, short black hair, jeans and a black t-shirt, and above all strictly human. What they were following now seemed anything but.
“Looks kind of like Overload,” Cyborg commented, “but smaller.”
“More like what would happen if Beast Boy tried to take his shape,” Raven replied dryly, eliciting an annoyed screech from the pterodactyl. “Green, at least, and definitely weird enough.”
“And what is following him?” Starfire asked. “They do not look like anything I have seen.”
At last they had him cornered down a dead-end alley, the T-car and R-cycle parked in its open end, solid brick blocking the other. The other three Titans landed, Beast Boy resuming his human shape.
“Dude, what is that?” he said, staring. “It’s uglier than that mutant thing Slade threw together!”
Silently the criminal turned to face them. It was true he very much resembled Overload in shape, but more solid, more substantial, and indeed smaller. His skin was green, and he had six reddish-maroon, raised “stripes,” all weirdly ridged almost like a ram’s horns, four on his ribs and two on his shoulders. He had several spherical, shiny yellow eyes with no pupils, spaced at weird distances and angles. A small cloud of what appeared to be black masks, almost glowing, seemed to float around him, constantly moving, as if restless.
“I am Anima,” a surprisingly human voice spoke, though the creature had no visible mouth to say the words with. “You ask what I am? Then I shall tell you: I am human, twisted beyond recognition by a terrible mistake.” The five Titans just stared, wondering what could have done such a thing to someone.
“Well, Anima,” Robin said a moment later, breaking the silence, “we’ll have to take you in. No matter who or what you are, you’re a criminal.”
He laughed, a chilling sound for how human and strangely mirthful it was. “I don’t think so,” he said. “I know you want to, but I’m not going to let you.” Suddenly the alley was alive around them. The streetlight at the end of it flexed and launched at Beast Boy, coiling around him like a snake. Both vehicles’ engines roared to life as they began to chase down their owners, somehow looking malicious. The very walls sprang to life and closed in around Raven and Starfire, both girls trying in vain to fight their way free. Despite their best efforts, none of them could do anything until, suddenly, everything sprang back to its normal state and place; by then, Anima was long gone.
Sierra- Posts : 175
Join date : 2009-05-14
Re: MY Fanfic.
by artemis 1223 5/27/2009, 6:39 pm
koolioSundavr Baen wrote:... Okay, fine, since it's up, and it's the first day, I'll post the second "section." Just for kicks. Next one won't be going up as soon, though, tomorrow earliest, probably.artemis 1223 wrote:looks interesting. id like to see more
artemis 1223- Posts : 100
Join date : 2009-05-12
Age : 31
Location : America
Re: MY Fanfic.
by Naked Snake 5/31/2009, 9:26 pm
For a first effort, this is far from being bad.
Quick notes/suggestions:
-You take a little too long to develop the character's appearance in the first chapter. You could probably have cut it down and made it more concise. Don't over-write things like that; you wind up with crap like Twilight.
-Don't overpower Anima. Endeavor to make him strong, stronger than average maybe, but not strong enough to single-handedly take on all five Titans and emerge unscathed.
Quick notes/suggestions:
-You take a little too long to develop the character's appearance in the first chapter. You could probably have cut it down and made it more concise. Don't over-write things like that; you wind up with crap like Twilight.
-Don't overpower Anima. Endeavor to make him strong, stronger than average maybe, but not strong enough to single-handedly take on all five Titans and emerge unscathed.
Naked Snake- Posts : 1574
Join date : 2009-03-17
Location : Outer Heaven
Re: MY Fanfic.
by Sierra 6/2/2009, 6:03 pm
Understandable, but just as a heads-up, these little segments aren't true chapters, they're just shifts in points of view. I did that mainly to give the audience, as it were, a clear picture of who she was.. as well as myself, since I went off sort of trying to draw her. I needed something to refer back to and that was one of the best ways I could think of doing so, even if it was a little too much for a fanfic...
And you've got another point with Anima, though logically speaking that might have happened simply because they didn't know what to expect. I hadn't thought of that at the time, and I'll try to tone it down in future portions.
Anyway, thanks, Snake, for the compliment and the suggestions.
And you've got another point with Anima, though logically speaking that might have happened simply because they didn't know what to expect. I hadn't thought of that at the time, and I'll try to tone it down in future portions.
Anyway, thanks, Snake, for the compliment and the suggestions.
Sierra- Posts : 175
Join date : 2009-05-14
Re: MY Fanfic.
by Sierra 7/21/2009, 8:33 am
Hey, all, sorry I haven't worked on any of this in a while. I've been so busy this summer, and I've lost a lot of my inspiration for the time being... I'm also going to work on rewriting the first bit and make it better, when I can. Soo, yeah.... Hopefully I'll start being able to do that soon-ish...
Sierra- Posts : 175
Join date : 2009-05-14
Blitzkrieg- Posts : 1411
Join date : 2009-02-15
Age : 32
Location : Wherever the wind blows as it carries me on its lofty wings. lol no really really Earth. -
Re: MY Fanfic.
by Sierra 7/22/2009, 10:12 am
Would you stop doing that?? xx; It doesn't help, oddly enough.germany411 wrote:awesome can't wait!
Sierra- Posts : 175
Join date : 2009-05-14
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