Joke & Riddles!

Basically, this is a thread to post your jokes and riddles on. I'm always searching for good jokes and riddles, but can't find ANY. And I bet you guys have some great ones! I'll start off.

Riddle:
A man, accused of high treason, is sentenced to death by the court-martial. He is allowed to make a final statement, after which he will be shot if the statement is false or will be hung if the statement is true. He makes his final statement and is released. What did he say?




Answer: "I will be shot." If this statement was true, he would have been hung and thus not be shot. But then his statement would be false, which implies that he should be shot, making the statement true again, etc... In other words: the verdict of the court-martial could not be executed and the general was released.

Please post some great ones!

What walks on four legs in the morning, two at noon, and three in the evening?

Spoiler:

What is at the begining of every end and the end of every race but is also the start of everything and yet the end of no one?

Spoiler:

How do you do the Spoiler thing?

Ghost wrote:How do you do the Spoiler thing?

first 'spoiler' between brackets, then write something, and than [/spoiler]

How do skunks smell?

Spoiler:

A priest, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar.

All are offended by what they see.

Psychiatric Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press "2".

If you have multiple personalities, please press "3", "4", "5", and "6".

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.

No one will answer.

xDDDDDDDDDD

This should be in Lifestyle Discussions... And we have a similar thread there. "LOL! ...Or not."

A blonde girl walks into a beauty parlor to get her hair done. She has on headphones and appears to be listening to a tape recorder. A redheaded hair stylist asks her to remove the headphones because they will obstruct her from doing the girl's hair properly. The blonde girl then says '' No! If I take off the headphones, I'll die.'' The redhead, unfazed, removes the headphones and urges the blonde to sit down in the stylist chair. After 2 minutes, the blonde girl collapses and dies. The entire beauty salon is awe-struck and the redhead is curious as to why the headphones were so important. The redhead woman puts on the now deceased blonde girl's headphones and listens. The recording is repeating the words, 'Breathe in, Breathe out.''

*clapclap* nice XD

In the cowboy days, a man rode into town on Friday. He stayed in town, rested up for three days, and on the third day rode out, again on Friday.

How?

redeagle321 wrote:*clapclap* nice XD

In the cowboy days, a man rode into town on Friday. He stayed in town, rested up for three days, and on the third day rode out, again on Friday.

How?

The horses name was Friday.

xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD lol!!

An Englishman, an Irishman, and an American are on top of the empire state building.

The American turns to his friends and says "I'm going to share a secret with you that normally, only Americans are allowed to know"

Naturally the Englishman and Irishman listen intently.

"If you fall off this building, it's design makes the air currents keep you afloat so you don't fall"

"Rubbish" Says the Englishman.

"Yeah, there's no way that's true" says the Irishman.

The American says "Watch me, I'll prove it" and jumps. Before the other two can stop him he's over the edge, and suprisingly enough, he floats in place, and after a minute or two of showing off, hops back onto the building.

The Irishman, filled with exitement, jumps off and attempts to float.

He falls straight down and SPLAT. Dies.

The Englishman turns to the American and says:

Spoiler:

Poor Irish guy.. NoT! XD Go scottish peoples! XD Jk jk, like the joke Lm.

XP
Can I move this to Lifestyle Discussions? O_o

Rianna Lauren wrote:XP
Can I move this to Lifestyle Discussions? O_o

What do jokes and riddles have to do with a person's way of life?

Also, all of my best jokes are inappropriate. Drat.

I don't know, I mean... a good thread like this one shouldn't be wandering alone in the "Others" section, right? Give it a decent place. xDDDDDDDD

...

lol "facetious" xDDDDD

What about the games section?

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Noris?

xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD okay.

...no wait, this is a game? o_O Really? xDDDDD

Well, it's jokes and such, it fits that bill in my opinion >__>

xDDDDDDD okay. To the games section!

Stupid humor based on the posts before:
Ha ha ha... wait... I don't get it... Oh you guys aren't joking! Hahaha.... oh that's not funny...

Real Joke:
Two girls own a ranch. One goes to town to get a bull, but forgets money for it. She has to send a tellagram to her friend at the ranch, but it's one dollar per word. She has one dollar. What word does she pick?

Spoiler:

That's what you define as "pun", yes? O_O

I ment it to be a riddle, mistake for saying it was a joke. First thing I said, just stupid. Second thing, riddle. I'm confusing myself... >.<